Spiritual lessons from dancing

 AMDG

I, a dreamer on the cusp of something new, to you, my friends and companions. I spent much of my writing time the last several months composing the private vows which I made on the solemnity of the Sacred Heart. Composing them was a delightful experience. Having finished that exercise, I wanted to share a new thing in my life: dancing! I have long enjoyed jamming to music at home while doing chores (or rather, instead of doing chores), but organized, social dancing remained foreign. This spring, a friend brought me to a country two step dance, and I was in love! The combination of slow and fast two steps, waltzes, and line dances is athletic and fun. The dances provide an opportunity for physical touch and for expressions of romance. And they are something I can be good at in an uncomplicated way. Social dancing is still something new in my life, and perhaps because of that novelty it’s been teaching me some spiritual lessons.

A first lesson has been about following. A dance couple typically has a leader and a follower. It is not a symmetrical experience, but a complimentary one. At all the dances I’ve been to women and men are welcome to take either role, so after asking someone to dance, the next question is usually “lead or follow?” Some have a strong preference. I like both! As a follower, I feel less pressure. I support an enjoyable dance by being a good sport and taking cues from the leader. I also have a heightened awareness of the leader: their frame, to begin with, but also their posture, the way they move, the way they communicate with me, and what they are communicating to me. It’s like an amoral lab for being a good follower. A good follower sets the tone of the experience and has synergy with the leader. I don’t think I’m at synergy level yet, but it’s amazing to watch those who are!

One way this lesson in following has spilled over into the rest of my life is at daily mass. Having been taught to read music, I default to thinking that a literal reading of what’s on the page is the “right way” to sing. When the priest doesn’t hold the rests or the long notes for their full value, for example, I wrestle to set aside the criticism that springs to mind. But since I’ve started dancing, I’ve found it easier to recognize that in our little chapel there is a leader. And I’m a follower. Now I pay attention to how the priest is singing the song so that I can match and support.

A second lesson of these dances has been about vanity and greed. Vanity turns my attention to myself. Dressing up to cocreate the atmosphere of the dance and to honor my dance partners is okay, but when I’m self-conscious of whether or not I look cool, I’m discouraged, and that’s from the evil spirit. There’s no godly reason to be discouraged! Worse, I think, is when I want to show off. When I want to be judged attractive by others. This is a distraction from the fun of dancing and the good of loving others. It also leads to valuing myself based on the superficial esteem of others and using others for this purpose.

Greed also has to do with how I related to others and myself. I have had no bad dances and only a few unpleasant ones; I genuinely enjoy the interaction with each partner, the majority of whom show up in good faith. Yet some dancers are outstandingly talented and I get a particular buzz off of dancing with them. The problem is, if I arrive at a dance looking to have a good experience for me, or if I spend the evening looking for particular people, not only am I (once again) distracted and often disappointed but I also miss out on the much more wholesome, enduring good of being present to everyone and sharing moments with whomever I get to dance with. Selfish love demands the attention of "the best” for me, while vanity closes my eyes and puts me at the center of the dark universe. Selfless love shows up to share a good night and meet God in each person.

Finally, as I have been thinking about leaving this community to serve abroad long-term, I have developed a better sense of holding the blessing of these dances with open hands. Especially this spring, when the dances were my obsession, they were one of my top reasons to stay. I wanted to have the dances forever; to possess them. But God reminded me that there will be other good things if I choose to leave: God will provide. So instead of clinging or grieving, I am treasuring each dance I attend as a gift for today. It’s a peaceful, joyful feeling.

Thank you for your prayers. And please let me know how I can pray for you. There is so much to pray for, and pray about. The bad and the good and the complicated!

Peace in Christ,

Your Other Brother